Thanks to all of you ladies who commented on my previous
post entitled "girls, we need your help." Your comments were much appreciated and very insightful. I've actually had guys come up and thank me for provoking this wisdom from you and also expressing what many of us have a hard time understanding. I was not speaking for myself only.
[Before I get further into this, I'd like to mention to any married readers that this is mainly an appeal towards single readers, and since I know many married couples, I'd love for you to please leave comments from an "off the market" point of view that you feel may be helpful. ] A comment on the aforementioned
post brought up the question: "how can women guard guys' hearts?" This question has been quite a topic in my life as I've seen many close male friends of mine get their hopes up and tell me all about girls that were giving them the "signs," only to see them downtrodden later and hopeless about dating. So let's start by defining
what kind of girl typically finds herself in this situation. It is my theory that it is usually one of two types:
1. The type of girl that is so attention starved and needy for male presence that she leads guys on left and right, (most often, these are the "damsel in distress" girls who suddenly become helpless whenever a guy's around)
2. The kind of girl that is genuinely just friendly, but unintentionally draws guys in. It is this group of girls whom I now address...
**Please understand that, much like was discussed on the previous
post, if a guy develops a crush on you, he will be most obvious, usually, because we guys just aren't as good at "giving hints" as we are about being straightforward. If he begins to give you
any special attention that is atypical of how he treats other girls (i.e. offering to get you coffee or pick you up lunch, going out of his way to walk you somewhere, offering little acts of service, etc) then there is a good chance that he has some kind of hopes, not necessarily for marriage (don't freak out here) but at least to get to know you better, perhaps thinking it may lead to a relationship. Being aware of this, it's important that you don't think that because he's doing these things, that he's just "being nice." Most guys don't have time to waste being THAT "nice".
So how do you prevent yourself from the awkward situation of having to tell him you don't care about him that way? One obvious strategy is to read the "signs" he gives you, and if you feel like he's beginning to offer you his heart, don't accept it.
I know too many guys who are just a big disappointment when it comes to guarding their own hearts, and they "fall in love with every girl who gives them the slightest bit of attention" (quote from
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). You can't really help it when this kind of thing happens; that's more a matter of immaturity on the guy's part. You can, however, usually see it coming a mile away.
It is also important that you realize that not all (and probably not even
most) guys are like this. There are those instances when a guy is simply a friend of yours, and the next thing you know, he has a crush on you. What's the best way to approach this? I offer to you a non-exhaustive list of a few steps that can be taken to prevent the breaking of hearts, and could be applied to almost any kind of guy, whether he be the hopeless romantic or the "just friend" turned accidental crush (this list may grow as I think of more).
Steps to prevent having to break a heart (for girls):1. Don't spend time alone with the guy who's interested in you (if you're not interested in him), under ANY circumstance.
2. Don't be the one who invites him to do stuff with a group of people, (and especially not alone) - find someone else to do it.
3. If he starts to act like you two have a special bond - play it off as though he's being humorous.
4. Don't talk about relationships with him. DON'T!
5. Accept compliments with "thanks" and leave it. Nothing more.
6. If he offers to go out of his way to do nice things (special attention) for you, don't accept it.
Keep in mind that in being careful of your own actions, you are also protecting your integrity and image, because most guys aren't romantically attracted to a girl who has a lot of guys around her all the time. Another thing to keep in mind is that it's best to give the guy the benefit of the doubt if you're not sure whether he's interested.
If he's being ambiguous, continue on as though nothing were different, or you may insult him by rejecting him when he hasn't made any advances. (**The reason for this precaution mentioned above)
Finally, it's not your job to guard a guy's heart. It's his own job. A guy who is no good at guarding his own heart is not able to be a good spiritual leader in a relationship. It's your job
not to take it into your own hands.