Big Brad Wolf

I awoke to a THUD on the floor next to me. Apparently my roommate had once again rolled off of the top bunk instead of just getting up like a normal person.
“you alright?”
“Yeah, today’s gumbee some cause Big Brad Wolf today againsm…”

That was about all he said. Then he started eating his coffee. This was his first time ever having coffee. Said someone had told him that you’re supposed to eat it, because it’s a disgrace to God to mix it with water. Well, if there's anything I've learned in my time, it's to not question a sleepy man wearing tiger print.

He got a little spastic, and started looking all around the apartment saying “wheremy wheremy whermy whermy”? It was like he was seeing colors that haven’t been invented yet. This is what I look like when I go into guitar shops.

I tried to orient him by asking, “what do you have to do today, Bradley?” He started telling me all about his plans until 2007, but it only took him 45 seconds, so I handed him a guitar, thinking maybe he could get his energy out on it.

It got a little violent. He started screaming, “AND I THINK TO MYSELF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” - a song by Louis Armstrong.




The song took him about 7 seconds to play.



He didn’t like my critique of his musical abilities. Actually, I don’t think he understood me at all.
He said “youretalkingwaytooslowmakenosense!” then smashed the guitar.

I should have known better than to leave him alone. I came in and the room was ablaze, but he was sitting perfectly still. I was speechless. He just looked at me and said “What?” and blinked a couple times.

I turned to leave the room and heard the bookshelf tip over, felt a sharp punch in the kidney, and saw him running out of the room. I didn't get that on camera.

Moral of the story - roommates are awesome.

I'm gonna go have a waffle now.

The waffles are all over the floor.