Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Big Brad Wolf

I awoke to a THUD on the floor next to me. Apparently my roommate had once again rolled off of the top bunk instead of just getting up like a normal person.
“you alright?”
“Yeah, today’s gumbee some cause Big Brad Wolf today againsm…”

That was about all he said. Then he started eating his coffee. This was his first time ever having coffee. Said someone had told him that you’re supposed to eat it, because it’s a disgrace to God to mix it with water. Well, if there's anything I've learned in my time, it's to not question a sleepy man wearing tiger print.

He got a little spastic, and started looking all around the apartment saying “wheremy wheremy whermy whermy”? It was like he was seeing colors that haven’t been invented yet. This is what I look like when I go into guitar shops.

I tried to orient him by asking, “what do you have to do today, Bradley?” He started telling me all about his plans until 2007, but it only took him 45 seconds, so I handed him a guitar, thinking maybe he could get his energy out on it.

It got a little violent. He started screaming, “AND I THINK TO MYSELF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” - a song by Louis Armstrong.




The song took him about 7 seconds to play.



He didn’t like my critique of his musical abilities. Actually, I don’t think he understood me at all.
He said “youretalkingwaytooslowmakenosense!” then smashed the guitar.

I should have known better than to leave him alone. I came in and the room was ablaze, but he was sitting perfectly still. I was speechless. He just looked at me and said “What?” and blinked a couple times.

I turned to leave the room and heard the bookshelf tip over, felt a sharp punch in the kidney, and saw him running out of the room. I didn't get that on camera.

Moral of the story - roommates are awesome.

I'm gonna go have a waffle now.

The waffles are all over the floor.

18 Comments:

Blogger CanaGal said...

it was sung by Louis Armstrong

:-)

Wed Oct 05, 09:39:00 AM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Yeah, that's what it says... what are you gettin' at?

Wed Oct 05, 09:47:00 AM  
Blogger Scooter said...

No, but it was sung by Louis Armstrong.

Sounds like the time in high school when a friend and I inhaled VCR cleaner. He started saying, "Wheresmywheresmywheresmy?" and threw the VCR cleaner across the room.

Wed Oct 05, 10:11:00 AM  
Blogger Donna said...

That. Was. AWESOME.

I haven't laughed that hard in a looooong time - thanks guys.

And Bradley - what did I TELL him about wearing that suit?

You should have had him post a crazy blog that he wrote after eating coffee..

Hilarious.

Wed Oct 05, 12:39:00 PM  
Blogger CanaGal said...

funny editing techniques, Johathan

Wed Oct 05, 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Show off. You and your fancy-schmancy photography/ editing techniques.

Here's a random thought: why is it that adding "schm" in place of the initial consonant in words makes them sound mocking? Examples:

Fancy-schmancy.
Elegant, schmelegant.
Laura, Schmaura. Hey, are you making fun of me?

Wed Oct 05, 01:29:00 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Neat observation.


Schmeat Schmobserschmation.

Wed Oct 05, 06:00:00 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Donna:

I'd like to see someone get him to post ANYTHING AT ALL. Nice try, though.

Wed Oct 05, 06:02:00 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

What? Schmobserschmation? I think you went a little overboard on the schm-ing.

And you left out a critical V. Is that like a consummate V?

You clearly wouldn't know majesty, or proper "schm" usage, if it bit you in the face.

Wed Oct 05, 09:55:00 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Yes I would. It DID bite me in the face. And then it said to tell you, that Schmobserschmation says hello.

Wed Oct 05, 10:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wed Oct 05, 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

To Anonymous Girl who just left her email address: I'm sorry but I had to delete that comment, mainly to protect your identity.

Thanks for the "Holla" though :)

Thu Oct 06, 07:01:00 AM  
Blogger Jeannine said...

okay, i got my fill of laughter in for the day.

Thu Oct 06, 07:23:00 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

See, you were teetering on the knife-edge between funny and "...uh, ok..." but personifying "Schmob," oh, who cares, I'm tired of typing.

Thu Oct 06, 06:51:00 PM  
Blogger evinrude said...

YO! DUDZ! WHAT TOATALLY HAPPENED TO MY COMMENT? WHAO THAT IS WEIRD CRAZY THINGS ON THE INTERNET BROS. SO HEY YA GONNA UPDATE SOME TIME SOON?

PEACE OUT, AND ALL THAT RELIGIOUS JIVE!

Fri Oct 07, 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger CanaGal said...

what kind of drugs was he on??

Fri Oct 07, 09:40:00 AM  
Blogger Bradley said...

what a freak

unreal

I gatta meet that guy

Sun Oct 09, 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger j.wo said...

I am NEVER coming over to y'alls apartment... EVER!!!

(I've got to go change my pants. I laughed too hard).

Tue Oct 11, 12:03:00 AM  

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